


Of Fear and Falling

by thebeautifulbadass (2SAM2FURIOUS)



Series: In A Heartbeat [1]
Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 18:06:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5014822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2SAM2FURIOUS/pseuds/thebeautifulbadass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After their experiences at the hands of Luther Braxton, Liz and Samar face the truth of their feelings for each other. Lizvabi multi-chapter, flangst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. Meanwhile, I'll just be over here patiently waiting for Jon Bokenkamp to hire me (which he won't because clearly I would try to make his female characters gay for each other).

Samar couldn’t get the image of Liz under hypnosis out of her mind. She had been terrified at Liz’s lack of control, her own inability to help. It had made her chest ache. As she talked to Dr. Orchard while they waited for her son to arrive, Samar was distracted, glancing every now and then toward Liz where she was getting checked out by a paramedic, then talking to Reddington.

Liz’s frantic roar – _“don’t!”_ – echoed throughout the tiled room, and Samar snapped her gaze over to her instantly. Reddington was backing away and Liz was standing up, Ressler wrapping her in a blanket. Samar’s heart broke as she watched Ressler lead Liz up the steps of the empty, abandoned pool, Liz visibly shaking.

Samar desperately wanted to help, to reach out and touch her. When they reached the doorway, she couldn’t help herself, placing her arm protectively around Liz’s shoulders and upper back. Tears stung the corners of her eyes but she forced herself to keep them at bay. Liz didn’t need her tears; she had enough of her own. But Samar couldn’t stop thinking about how close to dying they’d both been that day, and how badly she wanted to keep Liz safe and tell her she would never let anything happen to her ever again.

They exited the crumbling building, Liz supported between Ressler and Samar. They hadn’t spoken, but Ressler cleared his throat, helping Liz into the backseat of their SUV. “I’ll drive. You okay back here, Keen?” Liz nodded, remaining quiet.

Samar spoke up. “I can sit in the back.” Ressler nodded, but Samar immediately looked at Liz, trying to mask the worry in her expression. Liz gave her a meek, grateful smile, and Samar squeezed her shoulder before walking around the car to slide in on the opposite side.

Liz’s hands were shaking, causing her to have trouble with her seatbelt. Samar wordlessly slid to the middle seat, taking it gently from Liz’s hands and quickly buckling it. Liz wouldn’t meet her eyes, clearly embarrassed. Samar remained in the middle seat, sliding her hand from the buckle up to Liz’s blanket-covered arm, letting her hand rest there protectively.

Liz continued to stare straight ahead, focusing on keeping her emotions in check. Tears were threatening to spill any second, but she couldn’t cry in front of someone as strong as Samar. She’d cried in front of Ressler before, but that had been a long time ago and she didn’t really want to repeat it.

When Liz thought she had the tight coil of emotion in her throat under control, she glanced down at Samar’s hand on her arm, then allowed her gaze to travel up to Samar’s face. But before her eyes could get there, they stopped at her collarbone, her neck, mottled with dark, ugly bruises. Liz’s brow furrowed, meeting Samar’s gaze. “What did they do to you?” she nearly whispered.

Samar shot her a sad smile. “Let’s not talk about it. I’m fine, and so are you.”

Liz nodded, swallowing, clearly still worried. “How’s your ankle?” she asked, her voice hoarse.

“It’s seen better days,” Samar replied evasively, looking straight ahead instead of at Liz.

Liz wanted real answers, but she didn’t want to call Samar out on it, especially not in front of Ressler. So instead, her profiler’s mind looked past Samar’s mask and could see the lingering pain and fear from the day’s ordeal. She brought her left hand over to cover Samar’s where it was resting on her right arm, then leaned her head back and closed her eyes, focusing on the comfort of the warm body next to hers.

Samar’s eyes widened when Liz’s hand covered her own, her gaze quickly moving to Liz’s face. But Liz had closed her eyes, resting. Samar smiled softly as she studied the small, exhausted woman next to her, then leaned back, deciding she could use the rest as well for however long they were in the car.

 

********

 

When they arrived at the Post Office, Cooper ordered Liz to go home and get some rest, and insisted that neither she nor Samar come to work for a couple days so they could recover. Before Ressler could offer, Samar spoke up. “Liz, I can drive you home. You shouldn’t be driving yet, with all the drugs in your system.”

Liz looked at her, surprised at the offer. She had been expecting it from Ressler, or even for Red to send Dembe to pick her up. But she was glad the offer came from Samar – she wanted to talk to her about the questions she’d evaded on the drive back. Liz smiled, meeting Samar’s eyes. “Yeah, sure. Thanks.”

“It’s no problem at all,” Samar replied, placing her hand in the crook of Liz’s arm. “We’ll take your car and I’ll bring a cab back.”

Liz nodded, allowing Samar to lead her toward the elevator. When they got to the car, Liz’s hands were still shaking but she was able to buckle her own seatbelt. Samar started the car and pulled out of the garage. They were quiet for a moment, until Samar realized she didn’t know exactly where they were going. “I don’t actually know where you live, now that I think about it,” Samar said, breaking the silence.

“Oh. A motel in Northeast, on Franklin and 12th,” Liz replied.

Samar glanced at her, a concerned look on her face, before looking back at the road. “You live at a motel?”

“Yeah. It’s just easier. Temporary, no responsibility, no obligation. Fits the new me, you know?” Liz’s voice dripped with resigned sarcasm.

Samar remained silent. Nothing she could say would do any good. The red light in front of them turned green, and she winced as her foot pressed into the gas pedal.

Liz noticed and looked over, remembering Samar’s injury. “Shit, someone should be driving _you_ home.”

Samar shook her head. “I’m alright. Just a twinge. Nothing I can’t handle.”

“No, you should be resting, not aggravating the injury.”

“Liz, it’s fine. When I get home, I’ll give it plenty of rest, okay?”

Liz sighed in frustration, then leaned her head back against the headrest. “Okay. Thanks for doing this, Samar. Even though you shouldn’t be.”

Samar chuckled softly. “You’re welcome.”

They were both quiet. Liz almost drifted to sleep by the lull of the moving car, but as soon as she began to drift, she jerked awake, inhaling sharply. It was likely going to be a sleepless night, she could tell. Every time she closed her eyes, she felt like she was drowning under the rag again, water filling her nostrils and throat.

Samar glanced over at her, worry emanating from her features. “Liz, you okay?”

Liz swallowed heavily. “Yeah, fine. The start of a nightmare, that’s all.”

Samar frowned, but Liz pointed out the motel sign up the block on the right side of the road, transferring Samar’s focus.

When they got out of the car, Liz walked to the door of her room, Samar following behind her. “You can come inside and call for a cab,” Liz offered, unlocking her door and flipping on the dingy light. Samar nodded and followed her inside, but before she could reply, Liz continued. “Or, actually…” Her voice was strained with nerves. She avoided looking at Samar as she spoke, busying herself by turning on another light and tossing her bag on the table. “Could you maybe stay for awhile? I don’t really want to be alone yet. After… everything.”

Samar’s heart leapt into her throat and she reached out for Liz’s arm, trying to lend her some small amount of comfort. “I’ll stay.” Liz finally looked at her and Samar smiled. “Of course I’ll stay.”

Liz smiled dimly, her voice meek when she replied. “Thank you.”

“Are you hungry? Should we order food?” Samar asked, wanting to make sure Liz was taken care of.

Liz shrugged. “I don’t have much of an appetite from all the drugs they pumped in me, but I should probably try to eat something.”

Samar nodded. “Sit down and I’ll take care of it.”

“Samar, your ankle-”

She held up her hand. “Just tell me where to find the takeout menus and then I’ll sit as well.”

“The menus are over there on that table,” Liz replied, pointing to the far corner of the room as she sat down on the bed.

Samar limped to the table, and Liz immediately disobeyed the request, standing back up.

“Liz, what the hell are you doing?” Samar sighed.

Liz rolled her eyes. “Look, Samar. We’re both in bad shape. You order Chinese or something, get whatever you want. I’m going to get some ice for your ankle. And then we’ll sit. No arguments.”

Liz grabbed the ice bucket and walked out the door, using the deadbolt to prop it open. At least Samar hadn’t protested a second time. She filled up the bucket and by the time she returned to the room, Samar was on the phone, ordering sesame chicken, a noodle dish, and egg rolls.

Liz grabbed a washcloth from the bathroom and filled it with ice, knotting the corners together to create a makeshift ice pack for Samar’s ankle. As she came out of the bathroom, Samar was hanging up the phone. Liz sat on the bed, patting the spot next to her.

Samar smiled and took the ice pack from Liz’s outstretched hand. She was clearly worried and trying to take care of her, and that touched Samar – Liz had dealt with as much trauma as she had today. Samar had seen the bucket and the dirty rag on the floor of that abandoned pool. She knew what that meant: waterboarding. She was glad Liz had asked her to stay, because she hadn’t wanted to leave her alone tonight anyway. And if Samar were being honest with herself, she didn’t really want to be alone either.

Samar sat on the bed next to Liz, scooting backwards, giving herself space to stretch her leg out, and placed the ice pack against her ankle, holding it in place gently. Liz followed suit, moving backwards and turning to face Samar, tucking her legs underneath herself. Samar gave her a small half-smile. “Food should be here in twenty to thirty minutes.”

“Sounds good,” Liz replied, returning her smile. They hadn’t spent much time together personally – basically none outside of work – but it didn’t really seem awkward. They were just glad to not be alone.

Liz looked down, picking at a loose thread on the motel comforter before looking back at Samar, her brow creased in worry, her eyes glancing briefly at the bruises on Samar’s neck. “Are you okay?”

Something in Liz’s tone made Samar not want to lie to her, so she met her gaze and shrugged, trying to be nonchalant.

Liz could sense her hesitation. “I’m usually an advocate for burying pain, so you don’t have to talk about it. But I’m here to listen,” Liz told her gently. Samar still didn’t speak, and Liz felt her chest aching, wanting to help, wanting to comfort her somehow. She reached out and began to brush her finger lightly along the bruise on Samar’s collarbone.

Samar squeezed her eyes shut and inhaled sharply, flinching away from Liz’s touch.

Liz quickly pulled her hand back, her cheeks warm as she looked down at the blanket. She noticed that _damn_ thread again, and began to wrap it around her finger as a distraction. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

Samar covered Liz’s hand with her own, stilling the motion of the winding thread. “Don’t apologize.” Liz looked up at her, still embarrassed. “Are you… sure you want to hear about it after what you went through today?” Samar asked uncertainly.

Liz nodded, her eyes filled with concern.

Samar removed her hand from Liz’s, self-consciously covering a portion of her bruises as she remembered what it felt like to choke. Tears burned the backs of her eyes and she stared straight ahead, avoiding Liz’s gaze. When she spoke her voice was tight with the memory of her terror. “Braxton. He had chains around our necks, choking us. My bullet wound, it was bleeding everywhere, and aching and throbbing. I could barely reach the platform underneath me, and I couldn’t put any pressure on my right foot.” Her voice shook, and she paused, gathering her strength. “He threatened to kill me if Cooper didn’t give him the systems code. Braxton’s men raised the chain up until my feet couldn’t touch the platform at all. I was choking, and my hands were tied behind my back, and I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t _breathe_.” Her voice was getting more panicked as she remembered. Her eyes were shining, distant, as if she were back in that soulless room at the Factory. She let her hand drop down to rest on her knee, leaving her bruises fully exposed.

Tears were in Liz’s eyes as she listened. The vacant look in Samar’s eyes worried her. “Samar.”

She didn’t answer.

“Samar, hey. Look at me.” She reluctantly looked over at Liz, a tear sliding down her cheek, too proud to even think about wiping it away, as if she were pretending it wasn’t there at all.

Samar spoke again before Liz could say anything to comfort her. “I always think I’m used to it, that near-death experiences are part of the job. But that was…. without a doubt the most terrified I have _ever_ been.” Her body was tense with the force of holding back her tears.

Liz’s heart broke for her. She cautiously scooted closer and reached toward Samar’s knee, closing her fingers around Samar’s hand, squeezing tightly, as if her touch could hold Samar’s crumbling pieces together. Liz cleared the emotion from her throat; she wanted her voice to come out strong and reassuring. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. You’re fine now. You’re safe.”

Samar nodded, but spoke again, needing to get everything out in the open. “When we found you, I was terrified all over again. You were… it seemed as if you were completely lost in your own mind, and I couldn’t do anything to help.” Her voice cracked.

Liz’s brow furrowed. Samar had been as terrified for her as she had been for herself? Her instincts to comfort pushed away the curtain of confusion. “I’m safe too, Samar. We’re both safe. Here in this shithole of a motel, about to eat Chinese food.”

Samar chuckled and took a deep breath to calm down. She finally looked at Liz. “I’m not quite ready to die yet. And I’m not ready for you to die either,” she whispered. And suddenly she was leaning in, brushing her tear-stained lips against Liz’s softly, then more urgently, putting all of the day’s fear into this kiss, this moment that she was scared she would never get.

Liz was taken by surprise, her body tensing at first, but within seconds her heart clenched and she responded, kissing Samar back, running her hand up Samar’s arm to her shoulder. She remembered the bruises, pictured Samar choking on the chain, and she wanted to take away all of her pain, heal all the bruises inside and out. She trailed her fingers gently along Samar’s collarbone.

Samar didn’t flinch this time. Instead, she just kissed Liz harder, overwhelmed.

When Samar finally pulled away, she looked into Liz’s wide, surprised eyes, her own filled with anxious anticipation – even though Liz had responded to the kiss, she was worried about her reaction. Samar cleared her throat. “I couldn’t die without doing that first.”

Liz smiled softly, her eyes shining with unshed tears. She brought her hand up to Samar’s face, pushing a strand of hair behind Samar’s ear, cupping her cheek, leaning in to kiss her again briefly. A reassurance. Liz pulled away, her lips remaining a breath away from Samar’s. “I’m definitely glad we didn’t die today then,” she whispered.

Samar beamed. _Was this really happening?_ She reached out again, running her hand along Liz’s thigh, needing to keep touching her, needing to make sure she wasn’t dreaming.

Liz lowered her forehead to Samar’s shoulder, closing her eyes, reveling in this unexpected closeness. She breathed a relaxed sigh of contentment. She felt safe.

After a moment, Liz pulled away, noticing the ice pack lying on the bed, forgotten during their kiss. She picked it up – it thankfully hadn’t melted much at all. “Here, sit back against the headboard while we wait.”

They settled in, Liz putting a pillow behind Samar’s back, but instead of sitting next to her, she scooted down to Samar’s ankle, pressing the ice pack against it. “You don’t have to do that,” Samar insisted.

“I want to.” Liz smiled at her and Samar’s heart skipped a beat. Liz placed her free hand on Samar’s shin, needing the physical contact to continue between them. A comfortable silence descended between them. “How’s it feeling?” Liz murmured after a moment.

“The ice is helping, but it’s painful.” Samar winced. “I’m going to wait until I get home to take the pain medication they prescribed me.”

“Or you could take them now and stay here tonight. I don’t mind. I doubt either of us will sleep well anyway,” Liz offered, almost shyly, a slight blush appearing on her cheeks.

Samar smiled. “I’d like that,” she replied softly.

Liz smiled in return. “Okay, step one: pain meds,” she said, standing from the bed to find Samar’s bag, bringing it to her, then disappearing into the bathroom for a glass of water. She watched Samar gulp down the pills, wishing she could do more to help. She reached for the ice pack. The ice in the washcloth had melted enough that it was starting to make a mess. “The ice is melting,” she explained, holding it up to Samar’s gaze. “Do you want me to refill it?”

Samar shook her head. “No, I’ll be fine once the pills kick in. Thank you, though.”

Liz nodded. “I’ll be right back.” She returned to the bathroom, emptying the melting ice into the sink and tossing the damp washcloth on the counter, before going back to the bed and climbing up to sit next to Samar against the headboard. She positioned a pillow behind herself and then inched closer to Samar until their arms were touching from shoulder to elbow.

They were being careful, hesitant, both a little overwhelmed by this unexpected new dynamic between them, these previously hidden and denied feelings suddenly out in the open. After a few seconds, Liz moved her hand to Samar’s thigh, and Samar responded the way she had hoped – by immediately finding her hand and linking their fingers together. Liz let out a breath she hadn’t known she was holding, and relaxed into Samar’s shoulder.

Samar cleared her throat. “Are _you_ okay, Liz?”

“I will be,” Liz sighed. “I’m just…trying not to think about it for now.”

Samar kissed the side of Liz’s head, squeezing her hand. “I know what they did to you,” she murmured into Liz’s hair. “I wish I could go back and do something differently. Somehow stop him from taking you. I’d kill them all myself if I weren’t positive that Reddington has taken care of it already. I’m sorry that it took so long for us to find you.”

The rage shaking Samar’s voice made Liz’s eyes sting. “Samar,” she whispered, straightening to look at her. “You did everything you could… Please don’t apologize to me. I know you. I _know_ you did everything you could.” Samar was looking straight ahead, avoiding Liz’s gaze, her features tightly controlled, but she nodded. Liz reached up and cupped Samar’s cheek, forcing her to meet her gaze as she continued speaking. “Trust me, I wish just as much that I could have done something to prevent… this,” she spoke softly, trailing her fingers along the bruises on Samar’s neck and collarbone again. “Watching you get shot… God, I was so angry, I just wanted to storm out and kill them. And part of me wishes I had tried, because at least I would have gotten to stay with you and Ressler. No matter what they’d have done to me in there, it would have been worth it to stay with you and be able to tell you everything would be okay.” Liz’s voice trembled with fear and anger, silent tears tracking down her cheeks.

Samar leaned forward, pressing her lips to Liz’s softly. Tears continued leaking from Liz’s closed eyes, and Samar gently kissed away the tears staining her cheeks. Samar’s heart was beating out of her chest, but if today had proven anything, it was that life was short and there wasn’t time for bullshitting around and being her usual closed-off self.

“I love you, Elizabeth,” Samar whispered, her breath warm on Liz’s wet cheeks.

Liz pulled away a couple inches to look at Samar, her eyes wide in shock. “You what?” she whispered.

Samar huffed a laugh and smiled gently, taking both of Liz’s hands in her own. “I’ve been attracted to you since day one, and I’ve fallen for you more every day that I’ve known you. You are without a doubt the most selfless person I have ever met.”

Liz’s brows furrowed in confusion. “You… you _love_ me?” She seemed almost alarmed, and Samar frowned. “But- What- I mean, Reddington brought you to the task force. Did he tell you to do this? Please don’t lie to me. If this is part of some kind of plan, just tell me now. I can’t-” Her hands were shaking, her mind was racing, but she could see the hurt in Samar’s eyes. She wanted so badly to be wrong, for this to be paranoia, but Tom had been a good actor. He had fooled her for years.

Samar felt like Liz had punched her in the gut. Her voice was firm, laced with subtle anger. “Tom really fucked you up, didn’t he? He made you believe that no one could love you for _you_.” She paused, watching Liz swallow nervously. “I know you didn’t trust me when I first joined the team. But I need you to tell me right now whether you trust me or not, Liz. If you don’t trust me, I’ll leave and we can pretend this never happened.”

“I trust you,” Liz whispered, her lip quivering. “I just- I’m not sure I trust Reddington, and after everything with Tom… I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m sorry, I trust you. I’m just so scared of getting hurt again, Samar.” Her eyes were brimming with tears, and she pulled one hand free from Samar’s grasp to wipe at them before they could fall.

Samar squeezed Liz’s remaining hand. “And you think I’m _not_ scared? I know I _seem_ like an emotionless badass.” She paused, smirking at Liz’s low chuckle. “I became that way to protect myself, after getting hurt a long time ago. But you’ve somehow found your way past my impenetrable walls of steel, Liz. That terrifies me to no end. You make me vulnerable. But I can’t bring myself to care, because you’re _you_.”

Liz swiped at her face again, then wiped her hand on her pants to dry it. She lifted her fingers to Samar’s face and stroked her temple. “Okay, so we’re both scared then,” she murmured. “At least I’m not alone in my absolute terror.”

“You’re definitely not alone,” Samar agreed. “We can be scared together. Vulnerable together. But you’re sure you trust me?” she asked, staring intently into Liz’s eyes, her voice determined, serious.

Liz nodded. “I’m sure, Samar. I trust you.” She leaned in and placed feather-light kisses along Samar’s bruises, trying to reassure her, to make up for her tactless accusation.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door, and Liz jumped back, startled, before remembering that they were, in fact, expecting someone. “Oh, that’s the food. Stay put, I’ll get it.”

 

********

 

After they ate, Liz took the garbage to the dumpster behind the motel. When she returned, Samar was still propped against the headboard. “Do you want to take a shower? There’s an extra towel in the bathroom and you can borrow some of my pajamas. I can help you change your bandage when you’re done,” Liz offered.

“That would be lovely,” Samar smiled in reply. She disappeared into the bathroom and Liz rummaged through the drawers for two clean pairs of lounge pants and tank tops, her usual uniform for sleeping. She laid out the set for Samar and sat down on the bed to wait.

The noises coming from the bathroom were affecting her in strange ways, the sound of the water beating against the tub making her heart pound and her breathing quicken. She pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her face in her legs, closing her eyes, trying to block out the noise.

When Samar exited the bathroom in a towel, she found Liz curled up in a ball. “Liz? What’s wrong?”

“The sound of the water. I don’t know, it…” She trailed off. “I don’t think I can take a shower.” She sounded so small and afraid, and it broke Samar’s heart.

Samar stood in front of her, dripping onto the motel floor, stroking Liz’s hair. “Maybe a bath? I can run it for you so you don’t have to worry about the running water.”

Liz looked up at Samar, her cheeks red with embarrassment. “Yeah, um. I’ll try that I guess.”

“Don’t be embarrassed. I’ve seen people crack from waterboarding. You’re holding up fairly well right now. Just let me get dressed and I’ll get the bath ready for you.”

Liz smiled softly and reached up to twine her fingers through Samar’s. “Thanks,” she whispered, before reaching over for Samar’s pajamas and handing them to her.

Samar turned around to head back to the bathroom. “I’ll be right back,” she told Liz over her shoulder.

Within a minute, Liz could hear the sound of the bath running in the next room. She took deep breaths to calm herself down until Samar reemerged wearing Liz’s pants and tank top. “Thanks for the pajamas,” she smiled, tugging at the hem of the shirt, almost self-consciously. “The bath is ready. Do you need anything else?”

Liz stood up and walked toward her. “No, I think I’m okay.” She stopped in front of her. “Thank you for this,” she murmured.

“You’re welcome,” Samar replied, taking her hand and squeezing it in support. “I’ll be right here if you need me.”

Liz nodded and smiled at her, so grateful to not be alone, and even more grateful that it was Samar here with her.

Liz made it through the bath without hyperventilating, but she was thrilled when she deemed herself clean enough to stand up and get the hell out of there. She wrapped herself in a towel and walked into the bedroom to grab her pajamas, only to find Samar wincing as she pulled off the bandage on her ankle. Samar looked up at her and smiled. “How did it go?” she asked.

“I survived and I’m clean, that’s what matters. Hold on, I’ll be right back to help with that.” She grabbed her pajamas off the bed and hurried to the bathroom to change.

She rushed back into the bedroom, not bothering to wring out her hair in her haste to get back to Samar. She sat on the bed next to Samar’s ankle. “How are you feeling? Are the pain meds working?” She picked up the supplies Samar had retrieved from her bag to attach the new bandage and began unraveling the material.

“They’re working. It just hurts when I put pressure on it,” Samar explained as she pulled the final piece of the bandage away from her leg.

Liz’s chest ached as she looked at the ugly, stitched-up wound. “God, how did you run around all day on this, Samar? Are you sure you’re okay?” She ran her fingers softly up and down Samar’s calf as she looked at her, brow furrowed with concern.

“I’m fine, I promise,” Samar replied, staring into Liz’s eyes until Liz nodded, seeming to accept her answer.

Liz sterilized the new material and pressed it gently to the wound. Samar winced. “I know, I know. I’m sorry,” Liz murmured, before silently returning to the task at hand. She continued to wrap the material around the injury until she deemed it thick enough, then pinned it in place.

Liz looked up at Samar. “Is the pressure okay?” she asked worriedly.

Samar nodded.

“Good. Let me know if it’s not though, okay? I want you to be comfortable.” Liz paused, realizing something. “Oh, shit. I don’t have an extra toothbrush. I guess you can at least finger brush if you want? And I have mouthwash.”

Samar grinned, grasping at Liz’s shirt and pulling her in for a kiss. “You are _so_ cute.” Liz blushed at that, not knowing what to say. “Come on,” Samar continued with an amused smirk. “Let’s go brush our teeth together like an old married couple.” She got up off the bed, pulling Liz along with her.

Neither of them had ever realized that brushing your teeth next to someone else could be such a comfort, such a moment of contentment. They took turns spitting into the sink, rinsing, gargling mouthwash. Liz stepped forward when they had finished, placing her hands on Samar’s hips. She stood on her tiptoes and smiled against Samar’s lips. “Minty fresh,” she whispered before kissing Samar deeply.

And then two emotionally closed-off, terrified, broken women went to bed, Samar curling protectively around Liz’s body, holding her close, both of them thinking that maybe they weren’t so broken after all.


	2. Chapter 2

Liz woke in the middle of the night, gasping for breath, feeling like she was drowning all over again, her eyes wide with terror.

Samar shot up in bed next to her, immediately conscious enough to tell what was happening. Nightmares. “Liz, it was a dream. Breathe. You can breathe.”

Liz’s frantic eyes found Samar’s in the dark room and she heard the words coming from Samar’s mouth, the firm voice telling her to breathe. Liz calmed down once she was able to focus on Samar, knowing that she wouldn’t let anything happen to her. She did as she was told, breathing more regularly as she gradually came back to reality.

And suddenly, to her own horror, Liz was sobbing. Huge, heaving sobs, accompanied by sounds she’d never heard herself make before, as if her soul itself were crying out for help. Her eyes were wide, but she clenched them shut as what seemed like oceans poured from them, clutching the sheets tightly in her fists.

Samar’s mouth opened in pained shock at seeing Liz fall apart like this. She immediately lay down behind her again, pulling her backward, wrapping her arms around her tightly, holding her to her chest. “Shhhhhh. You’re alright, Liz. I’ve got you. You’re safe.” Liz unclenched her fists, dropping the sheets. She brought her hands up to Samar’s arms that were snugly around her midsection, grasping them as if Samar were her life raft.

Tears stung Samar’s eyes. Her heart was breaking for Liz. She felt so helpless as she listened to the painful noises coming from the woman in her arms. She curled her legs up until her knees met the back of Liz’s. She needed to make sure that Liz knew she was there, protecting _all_ of her. Samar nuzzled her face into Liz’s neck, where strands of hair were sticking to the salty tracks left behind from her tears. She pressed gentle kisses below Liz’s ear as she whispered over and over again, “You’re okay. You’re okay. Everything will be okay.”

Liz loosened her hold on Samar’s arms and turned over in her embrace to face her, burying her face in Samar’s chest. She knew she would be embarrassed about this when her sob-fest was over, but in the moment she simply didn’t care. “Thank you,” Liz mumbled through her sobs.

Samar kissed the top of her head, letting her lips linger there, pulling Liz even closer. “Of course. Always,” she whispered softly.

Samar stayed awake until long after Liz’s sobs subsided, long after Liz had drifted off to sleep in her arms. But eventually, she, too, gave in to the exhaustion once again.

 

********

 

Samar woke up first, unable to sleep in despite her physical exhaustion. Her neck ached with every swallow and every breath. She and Liz were no longer tangled together, but they were still close, Samar’s arm draped across Liz’s chest. She tried to turn her head slightly and hissed in pain.

Liz stirred beside her, her eyes fluttering open, brow furrowed in concern. “You okay?” she asked softly, her voice tinged with sleep.

“My neck is incredibly sore,” Samar answered, her voice rough, as if the hours of non-use had caused her injured throat to shut down to its essential functions. She brought her free hand up to her neck, stroking it softly even though she knew it wouldn’t help ease the pain. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Liz shook her head. “No, it’s okay.” She lifted her hand to brush her fingers through Samar’s hair, rolling onto her side to face her. Suddenly she remembered how vulnerable she’d been in the middle of the night and her cheeks grew warm. She looked down at the sheets, avoiding Samar’s gaze, dropping her hand back down to the mattress.

Samar could tell what Liz was thinking. “We’re vulnerable together, remember?” she gently reminded her.

Liz met her eyes, giving her a sad smile. “Yeah, well… Sorry I fell apart on you.”

“You have absolutely nothing to apologize for,” Samar replied straightforwardly, leaning in to press her lips gently to Liz’s.

Liz gave her a grateful smile, then rolled out of bed, walking to the bathroom to retrieve a glass of water. She carried it back to the bed and held it out to Samar. “Here, see if this soothes your throat a little.”

Samar smiled in thanks, taking the glass from Liz’s outstretched hand. She took a drink and winced as it went down, a pained noise escaping her throat. “It’s so much worse than last night.”

Liz frowned, consumed with worry. “I know you’ve been checked out, but it would make me feel better if you went back to the doctor just to make sure everything’s okay,” she told Samar, stroking her curls away from her forehead.

Samar didn’t want to admit her own fear in words, so she looked at Liz and nodded her agreement.

“Okay, I should be good to drive now. So I’ll get dressed, and then we can stop by your place for some clean clothes, and then we’ll head to the doctor,” Liz planned, while grabbing various articles of clothing from her drawers and closet.

“You don’t need to go with me, Liz. You should rest.”

Liz turned back to Samar, rolling her eyes. “I’m going, Samar. I’m fine. What I need is to make sure _you’re_ fine.”

Samar stood up. “If you insist,” she replied, her mouth quirking up on one end.

“I do insist,” Liz repeated firmly, before disappearing into the bathroom to change.

Twenty minutes later, they were in the car, Liz behind the wheel, and Samar giving directions to her apartment. Thirty minutes after that, they had reached the nearest urgent care.

Liz was anxious as she sat in the waiting room. But Samar was back sooner than she had expected, walking toward her with a smile on her face. “Everything is completely normal, Liz. I’ll be fine. It won’t be as sore in a few days.”

Liz stood up and Samar stopped in front of her. Liz ran her hand down Samar’s arm, smiling. “Good.”

“They took a look at my leg too, to be thorough. No infections. I’m in recovery.” Samar gazed at Liz, feeling her chest swell with the knowledge that Liz cared this much.

Liz grinned, bouncing up on the balls of her feet to kiss Samar. “Do you want me to take you home?” she asked.

“Absolutely not,” Samar shook her head. “I want to spend the day with you.”

“Okay,” Liz replied with a smile. “What would you like to do?”

Samar pursed her lips in thought. “Well, it hurts to swallow, but I’m hungry.” She checked the time on her cell phone. “Breakfast?” she suggested.

Liz chuckled. “Brushing our teeth side by side, a doctor’s appointment, and now breakfast? We really are a married couple.” She could feel heat creeping across her cheeks as she spoke.

Samar leaned her head back and laughed before meeting Liz’s eyes again. “For such a tough badass, you are rather adorable. Why are you blushing?” Samar asked, brushing her thumb across Liz’s cheekbone.

“Because it’s only been, oh I don’t know, approximately _twelve hours_ since you kissed me and told me you loved me,” Liz smirked, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly.

Samar shrugged, smirking back at Liz, reaching down to twine their fingers together. “Twelve hours, twelve months, what’s the difference?” she joked. Her expression became serious again, but her eyes remained soft. “I meant what I said, Liz. I’m serious. I want to see where this goes.”

Liz squeezed her hand. “I know. I do too,” she murmured quietly.

“Good. I’m glad we’re on the same page then. Now let’s go eat,” Samar replied, pulling Liz toward the exit.

 

********

 

Liz drove them downtown to Dupont Circle. “This is the best breakfast spot in DC, trust me,” she said excitedly, looking over at Samar as she pulled up to the curb, finding a parking spot a few blocks away on N Street. She put the car in park and killed the engine, quickly climbing out. A smile spread across her face as she rounded the front of the car, joining Samar on the sidewalk and reaching for her waiting hand.

Samar couldn’t stop smiling. She was holding Liz’s hand, strolling down beautiful historic city streets. It was cold, but the lingering snow had melted and the sun was shining. She could almost forget the events of the previous day. After a block of walking in comfortable silence, hands clasped together, Samar spoke. “So, Tabard Inn?”

“Mhmm. It’s been around for almost a hundred years. It’s this quaint old rowhouse, filled with history. And the food is delicious. You’ll love it,” she said, grinning excitedly like a little kid.

Samar’s heart swelled and she stopped walking, tugging Liz toward her. “Not as much as I love you,” she whispered into Liz’s ear, circling one arm around Liz’s waist.

Liz laughed into Samar’s shoulder. “I never would have guessed in a _million_ years that you’re such a romantic cheeseball under that fierce Mossad exterior.” She looked up, noticing a slight blush on Samar’s cheeks. “I like it, don’t worry,” Liz assured her, pressing her lips to Samar’s softly, lingering for a moment. “You’re _my_ romantic cheeseball,” she whispered before stepping back and tugging Samar along down the sidewalk. “Now come on, I’m hungry.”

Once they were settled in at a table tucked away in a corner of the rustic dining room, Liz looked at Samar and smiled, placing her hand palm up on the table. They were by no means alone, but late breakfast on a Thursday wasn’t as crowded as a weekend brunch would have been. Samar returned Liz’s smile and brushed her fingers against Liz’s palm, looking down at their hands as she twined their fingers together.

But then she noticed the scar on Liz’s wrist, the one she’d first noticed when Liz had lifted up her arms while under Dr. Orchard’s hypnosis. Samar moved her fingers over to brush across it, her brow furrowed slightly. It was rough to the touch, Liz’s porcelain skin marred by white, nearly translucent ridges.

Liz stiffened, tangling her fingers tightly with Samar’s trying to hide the scar from view. She looked anxiously at Samar, her stomach clenching. “I, uh- I didn’t really know anything about it until yesterday, with Braxton.”

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Samar assured her, noticing the pained expression on Liz’s face.

Liz shook her head, swallowing the lump in her throat. “Vulnerable together.” She shot Samar a small, sad smile, before reaching over with her free hand to rub the scar.

She met Samar’s eyes again before speaking softly. “There was a fire when I was a little girl, when I was four years old. My parents were there, but I have no memory of my biological parents. Reddington was there that night too – that’s how we’re connected. There were these…flashes of fire and smoke, the screams of me as a little girl. I could feel the fear as if it happened yesterday. I’m still trying to work the pieces together in my mind. All I know for sure is that that fire is what gave me this.” She looked back down at her scar, rubbing it with her thumb roughly, before continuing. “I feel so disconnected from all of it. I don’t know or understand anything about my own life, Samar. Who even _am_ I? Elizabeth Keen is just an identity created out of lies and secrets.” Liz broke off abruptly, her mouth a tight line, wobbling with emotion, as her eyes shone with unshed tears.

Samar frowned, tightening her hold on Liz’s hand. “Elizabeth Keen is whoever you want her to be. You are Elizabeth Keen if you want to be Elizabeth Keen. You’re _you_ at the core, no matter what. A strong, brave, independent woman who refuses to take shit from anyone. Your past and your name don’t define you, your heart does. And _your_ heart, Liz? It’s definitely one of the good ones.”

Liz didn’t know what to say, but she didn’t think words were fully necessary. Her brow had furrowed in disbelief at Samar’s sweet words, and now she smiled, stroking her thumb across the tops of Samar’s fingers.

“Would you like to hear a story about my past so we’re even on the vulnerability scale?” Samar asked quietly with a sad smile.

Liz grinned. “Well, Samar, you are a _very_ mysterious woman, so yes, I would _love_ some insight,” she chuckled. She noticed a look of anxious hesitation pass across Samar’s face, and quickly continued. “But you don’t have to tell me anything if you’re not ready. Trust me, I get it.”

Samar looked down and swallowed before meeting Liz’s gaze with a small smile. “I want to tell you. I’m just… not used to talking about myself, especially these parts of myself.”

Liz smiled at her reassuringly, looking her deep in the eyes.

Samar took a shaky breath and began her story, focusing on Liz’s bright blue eyes for strength. “I’ve only truly been in love once before in my life, and it was brief, hardly even a relationship. I was twenty-four years old, and still living in Iran. I met this woman, this artist… Leila. She was a few years older, and she spent her days on the streets of Tehran, painting the scenes and the people around her. And she was quite successful. She sold much of her work to upscale galleries where wealthy and sophisticated Iranians became aware of her talent.”

Samar’s eyes drifted to a painting on the wall behind Liz as she pulled up old memories filled with old pain. “She had become… somewhat fascinated with me before we ever spoke, as I learned later. I had passed her on the street multiple times, and noticed her talent, her beauty. But one day she stopped me and asked if she could paint me. I was so drawn to her, and I didn’t understand why. I had dated men in the past and never really clicked with anyone, but Leila…” Samar trailed off, looking into the distance past Liz, her eyes glazed over, lost in her memories. “She turned everything upside down. In a terrifyingly magnificent way. I went to her apartment four evenings in a row to sit for the painting, and by the fourth we were in bed together.”

Samar looked down at the table, fixing her eyes on the natural whorls etched into the wood. “We were completely swept up in each other.” Samar met Liz’s eyes again, somewhat reluctantly. Liz squeezed her hand but didn’t speak, encouraging her to go on.

“Relationships with someone of the same sex are illegal in Iran, and while the punishment is usually less harsh for women than for men, what we were doing was incredibly dangerous,” Samar explained. “Since I was unmarried, my father and mother were still helping to support me financially. When they learned of my relationship with Leila, they disowned me. They wanted nothing to do with me any longer.” Samar saw Liz’s eyes fill with something resembling compassion, her brows furrowing in sympathy.

“Leila offered to help, but I was too proud. I stayed with her for a week while attempting to figure out my course of action, but the constant contact between us…the passion was too much. One of her neighbors deduced what was going on between us and threatened to tell the authorities. I didn’t care, I just wanted to be with her. I asked her to leave with me, and suggested that we go somewhere more open and accepting, together. But instead, she asked me to leave, alone. She was too afraid of the consequences, and of uprooting her life of stability.” Samar wanted to look away, but she kept her eyes locked with Liz’s, even though she knew that meant Liz would be able to see all the remnants of her past, the aching loneliness she’d carried ever since, the tears that were now stinging her eyes.

Samar’s voice hardened when she continued, her tone holding notes of finality and pain. “I wasn’t worth it.” She cleared the lump of emotion from her throat. “I had nothing to keep me in Iran, so I left.” She paused, brushing her fingers against Liz’s. When she spoke again, her voice had softened. It was quieter, too – almost timid. “That’s when I built those impenetrable steel walls I told you about. The walls that haven’t been breached until now.”

Liz smiled softly, a slight blush heating her cheeks. She focused her gaze, her blue eyes piercing Samar’s brown ones, making sure Samar could see her sincerity. “You’re worth it. If Leila couldn’t see that, it’s her loss. And for what it’s worth? I would’ve left with you in a heartbeat.” Liz shook her head, overwhelmed with anger at Samar’s parents, at Leila, at everyone who’d ever made this strong woman feel unworthy. “You are _more_ than worth it, Samar.”

Samar’s eyes were glistening with tears, but she tried to brush her emotions off with humor. “Well, I’m glad you think so, because I’d rather not get my heart broken again.”

Liz huffed a laugh, but she could see the fear and worry hiding just below the surface of Samar’s strained voice and wet eyes. She smiled. “I have no intention of breaking your heart. I think I’d like to be the one to try and heal it.”

Samar’s expression shifted briefly, surprised not only at Liz’s words, but also that Liz could tell she was still so broken from all the people who’d hurt her and abandoned her in the past. A tear escaped, slowly rolling along the curve of her slim nose. She took a calming breath, but she was so touched by Liz’s words that it caught in her throat. She lifted Liz’s hand, closed her eyes, and brushed her lips softly across Liz’s fingers. “Now who’s the romantic cheeseball?” she asked shakily, opening her eyes again to look at Liz.

Liz chuckled, shrugging. “I’ll happily accept that title. I honestly thought what happened with Tom killed the romantic cheeseball inside of me. You’re lucky I was wrong.”

“I’ll say,” Samar murmured, lowering their joined hands back to the table.

Liz took a deep breath, preparing to speak the truth of her feelings out loud for the first time. “I’m falling in love with you, Samar. I have been for a while, I just didn’t want to admit it. It scares the hell out of me, but it’s true,” Liz promised. Samar’s answering smile seemed to brighten the entire room. “So how about we forget all the drama, focus on being romantic cheeseballs, and enjoy our first date?” Liz suggested, grinning.

Samar laughed. “It _is_ our first date. We’d better make it special.”

“Anything is special with you,” Liz replied simply and sincerely. She could see the happiness in Samar’s eyes, but she continued, pulling her hand from Samar’s to grab a menu and open it. “Now, let’s order food. How’s your throat? What will be easiest for you to eat?” She busied herself scanning over the menu, imagining what the various meals would feel like going down if she were in Samar’s position.

Samar rested her chin in her hands, watching Liz’s eyes moving back and forth across the menu. She couldn’t help but smile, her heart swelling with love, so lost in looking at Liz that she forgot she’d asked her questions.

“Samar? What do you think?” Liz asked, still looking at the menu. Her voice brought Samar slightly out of her reverie, but Liz looked up and noticed her staring. “What? What is it? Are you okay?”

Samar chuckled. “I’m fine, just enjoying the view. You’re unbelievably sweet, that’s all.”

Liz’s mouth quirked up, her dimples showing. She raised an eyebrow in amusement. “How’s your throat?” she repeated, her smile coloring her voice.

“I took a low dosage of medication at the doctor’s office, so it feels a bit better at the moment. Nothing I can’t deal with, especially if the food is as delicious as you claim.”

“Trust me, it’s amazing,” Liz replied, handing the second menu to Samar. “Get anything you want, my treat.”

Samar grinned. “Only if you let me pay for our second date.”

Liz smirked back at her. “Deal. Now hurry up and decide what you want. I’m _starving_.”


	3. Chapter 3

A few hours later, they were settling onto Samar’s couch together. Neither of them wanted to be alone and they had decided Samar’s apartment would be more comfortable than Liz’s sparse motel room.

Samar carried two mugs of hot chocolate into the living room and gently set them on the coffee table. She looked down to where Liz had curled into the cushions, her sock-clad feet tucked beneath her, and smiled. She grabbed the remote and sat down next to her, her thigh brushing against Liz’s knees. “What’s your favorite television show?” Samar asked, flicking the TV on and pulling up Netflix.

Liz looked at her, a grin brightening her face. “ _Friends_ ,” she replied.

Samar glanced over, immediately distracted at the sight of Liz’s glowing face and her deeply charming dimples. She leaned in, placing a quick peck against the dimple closest to her. “Mine too.” She looked back to the television, quickly finding _Friends_.

“You’re not just saying that so I can watch what I want, are you?”

Samar chuckled. “No, it really is my favorite. I hadn’t seen it before it was added to Netflix though, so I haven’t finished yet.”

“Oh! You can start wherever you left off then. I’ve seen every episode,” Liz replied, scooting closer and leaning against Samar’s shoulder.

“I’m on the fifth season,” Samar said, pressing play and tossing the remote next to her on the couch. She stretched her legs out onto the coffee table and wrapped her arm around Liz’s waist, pulling her snugly against her side. Samar allowed her thumb to drift beneath the hem of Liz’s shirt, brushing it back and forth across her soft skin. Liz tensed on instinct, but instantly relaxed into the gentle contact. She felt so safe and warm. Cozy. She reached out for Samar’s free hand, loosely winding their fingers together.

They laughed their way through two and a half episodes before Liz found herself completely overwhelmed by the normalcy of their day. A breakfast date, holding hands, snuggling up to each other while watching a classic sitcom. This wasn’t her life. This comfort, this safety – it couldn’t possibly last. She felt tears stinging her eyes and tried desperately to hold them back, not wanting to ruin this perfect moment. But with all of her effort focused on restraining her emotions, her body inadvertently stiffened, alerting Samar to the shift in mood.

Samar looked over, her eyes widening in concern at the sight of Liz’s tears. But instead of speaking, she simply leaned down, pressing her lips to Liz’s temple. The gesture caused more tears to leak from Liz’s eyes, her chest fluttering with unreleased emotion. “You okay?” Samar whispered near her ear, resting her forehead against Liz’s head, nuzzling her nose into her hair.

“I’m fine, sorry, it’s nothing,” Liz breathed out shakily.

“You sure?”

Liz looked up at Samar, giving her a weak smile. “I like being normal with you,” she murmured.

“And?” Samar asked, sensing that there was more – it didn’t seem like Liz was crying happy tears.

“And my life is the complete _opposite_ of normal.” Liz smiled sadly, her lower lip wobbling.

And suddenly, looking into Liz’s fearful eyes, Samar understood. She understood that Liz was so used to being unhappy that the simple rebellion of happiness was enough to terrify her. It was something so foreign to her that she was afraid she’d only get a taste before it was yanked away.

Samar didn’t want to lie or make false promises, but she needed to make sure Liz knew she wouldn’t leave her if she had any say in the matter. “We have to find balance, a way to find moments of normalcy in the midst of chaos. And we need to be able to enjoy those moments as they happen. One moment at a time.” Samar leaned down, resting her forehead against Liz’s. “One kiss at a time,” she continued in a whisper, before pressing her lips against Liz’s softly.

Liz suddenly felt like she was drowning in desperation. Desperation to make this feeling last, to feel safe and loved, to not be alone anymore. To forget about reality and allow herself to pretend she was a normal person with feelings for someone new, rather than the broken, used woman she felt she truly was. She pushed herself up onto her knees and straddled Samar’s hips, cupping her face and kissing her more urgently. She trailed one hand down the center of Samar’s chest to her stomach, then to the side to gently grip her waist.

Samar responded, nipping at Liz’s lower lip, placing one hand solidly at her waist. With her other hand, she stoked her fingers through Liz’s hair, then moved her hand down to Liz’s upper back, pulling her in closer until they were chest to chest. Samar moved her lips to Liz’s neck, kissing the skin just below her ear, then pressed a line of kisses down to her collarbone. Her hand found the bottom of Liz’s shirt and slipped beneath it, moving up her bare stomach until she reached Liz’s bra. She cupped one breast gently, brushing her thumb across the fabric until she could feel the nipple.

Suddenly, Liz pulled back, returning to her side of the couch, tears still in her eyes. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have- I’m sorry,” she mumbled, embarrassed, arms crossed across her chest. “I’m not ready for… I haven’t been with anyone since…”

Samar nodded in understanding. Tom. She reached out for Liz’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “You don’t need to apologize. I understand.” She smiled, holding her arm up in invitation. Liz slid back into Samar’s side, curling into her previous position, and Samar tucked her arm around her again.

“I don’t want to rush things with you,” Liz whispered as they settled comfortably back together.

“I don’t either. You’re worth the wait,” Samar replied, twining their fingers together once more. They turned their attention back to the television, both slightly distracted by their thoughts.

 

********

 

After an afternoon spent on the couch together, Liz’s stomach began to rumble. “Can I make you something to eat?” Samar asked.

“Oh, no, you don’t have to do that.”

“I want to. I don’t mind cooking. Especially for pretty girls,” Samar smirked.

“Ah, so this is a regular thing for you, then? Bringing girls back to your place and charming them with your culinary skills?” Liz chuckled.

“Not at all. The only girl I charm with my culinary skills is you,” Samar replied, un-tucking her legs from beneath her and standing up, padding into the kitchen. “What are you in the mood for?”

“Anything, whatever’s easiest for you.”

“Are you okay with spicy?” Samar asked, looking back at Liz over her shoulder.

“Definitely. What do you have in mind?”

“Nothing special, just Persian-style rice and beans. I add enough spices that I thought I should ask.”

“Sounds delicious,” Liz replied, smiling as she stood up, joining Samar in the kitchen. “What can I help you with? I don’t want you on that foot more than you have to be.”

“I’m fine, really. It’s easy to make, and quick. But if it makes you feel better, you can chop up the vegetables to go on the side,” Samar grinned.

“I can do that,” Liz replied.

Within twenty minutes, they were seated at the counter, side by side, eating the dinner they had prepared together. Liz loved that Samar was sharing her culture with her. Iranian comfort food.

As they were loading the dishwasher, Samar paused, turning to Liz. “Will you stay over? I don’t want you to sleep alone after what happened last night.”

Liz blushed, but nodded. “Yeah, I’ll stay,” she replied with a sheepish smile. “Thanks for dinner,” she continued, leaning forward to place a quick kiss on Samar’s cheek. “You certainly charmed me with your culinary skills.”

“Mission accomplished,” Samar smirked, pouring soap into the machine, shutting the door, and turning it on.

Suddenly Liz’s phone rang from her bag where it sat on the living room floor and she went over to retrieve it. “Keen.”

“Keen, it’s Ressler. I just stopped by your place to see if you were all right and you’re not there. So…are you all right?”

Liz smiled. “Thanks for calling, Ress. I’m fine though. I just had dinner with Samar.”

There was a surprised pause on Ressler’s end of the call. “Dinner with Samar?”

Liz rolled her eyes playfully. “Yep, dinner with Samar. Helping her out with her leg injury.”

“Oh, right,” Ressler replied. “Well, I guess I’ll see you in a few days, Keen. Get some rest.”

“I will. See you soon.” Liz ended the call and smirked at Samar.

“I take it he was surprised that we had dinner together?” Samar asked with a crooked smile.

Liz chuckled softly. “Seemed to be.”

 

********

 

A few hours later found them lying in bed, on their sides, facing each other. Samar had her arm curled around her pillow, holding it under her head in the most comfortable position for her sore neck. Liz propped her head up in her hand, leaning on her elbow, and reached out with her free hand to gently trail her fingers along Samar’s horrific bruises, frowning as she looked at them. “I wish I could take your pain away.”

Samar smiled tenderly. “It’s not too terrible with the medicine in my system.”

“Good,” Liz whispered, moving her hand up to Samar’s temple, smoothing a stray curl away from her face.

“I want to know you better, Liz. Not just in the deeply important ways, but in the silly, unimportant ones too,” Samar murmured as she gazed into Liz’s eyes.

“What would you like to know?”

“Everything.”

Liz smiled softly. “I want to know everything about you too.”

“Shall we take turns?” Samar grinned, reaching out for Liz’s hand lying on the blanket between them, lacing their fingers together loosely.

Liz nodded. “You can go first since it was your idea.”

“Okay, let me think… First crush.”

“Billy Joskins, my neighbor growing up in Nebraska. I was madly in love with him from age nine to thirteen when he moved away…for _college_. Definitely missed out on my soulmate there,” Liz joked, with a playful roll of her eyes. “Who was yours?” she asked, tracing the line of Samar’s index finger with her own.

“My best friend in school when I was a teenager. Nasim. I didn’t realize it at the time, of course. I thought it was normal to love your closest friend the way that I did. I only realized the truth of my feelings for her years later when I met Leila,” Samar replied with a sad smile. “Your turn to think of a question.”

Liz grinned, eyes twinkling with mischief. “First kiss.”

Samar groaned, rolling her eyes. “Must we?”

“Yes, we must,” Liz giggled.

Samar sighed. “Hazhir Ahmadi, a classmate at university, when I was twenty. I later learned that kissing Hazhir was like kissing a potato.” Liz laughed at the answer, leaning down to press her lips to Samar’s. “Yours?” Samar asked.

“Andrew Tucker, a guy who had a crush on me in high school. When I was fifteen. Nothing to write home about,” Liz shrugged. “Alright, now you can get revenge for that question. Come on, do your worst,” Liz urged, one eyebrow raised impishly.

Samar pursed her lips in thought, gazing at Liz. “Biggest fear?”

Liz didn’t hesitate, the answer coming to her easily. “Losing people I care about. Which I’ve had to face way too many times in the past two years, between my dad and Meera and Tom. If you meant, like, minor fear, the answer is snakes. They creep me out.”

Samar untangled their fingers to reach up and stroke Liz’s temple, moving down to brush her thumb gently across her cheekbone. “That’s my biggest fear too. Losing the people I love. You would think I’d be used to it by now, but it never gets any easier.”

Liz reached up to find Samar’s fingers again. “Nope,” she murmured wistfully.

“As for minor fear? That would be dogs,” Samar continued.

“You’re afraid of dogs?” Liz asked, her eyes wide, incredulous.

Samar chuckled. “I am. I realize it’s completely illogical, but I can’t help it. I get nervous around them and they can sense it.”

Liz groaned. “I guess you won’t want to meet Hudson then,” she mumbled, disappointed.

Samar’s brow furrowed in surprise. “You have a dog?”

Liz nodded. “Yeah. Well, kind of. After Tom, when I moved to the motel, a friend offered to take him until I got back on my feet. I haven’t seen him in months. I’m sure Hudson’s fine with his new mom though,” she huffed. “He’s probably forgotten all about me by now.”

“I may be scared of dogs, but I know they’re loyal. I’m sure he can’t wait to see you again.”

Liz was ashamed to feel tears stinging the edges of her eyes. She blinked them back, but Samar was observant, shooting her a reassuring smile. “Sorry for getting emotional over something so dumb. It just would have been nice to have him around while my life is falling apart, you know? A little furball who loves me unconditionally.” A tear appeared at the corner of Liz’s eye and she quickly brushed it away. She sniffed, trying to shrug it off. “My turn. Um… if you’re not a dog person, are you a cat person?”

Samar huffed a laugh. “I am. Cats are my friends.”

Liz smiled, getting her runaway emotions under control. “I like them too. I had one with Sam when I was a kid. Nutmeg – she was a sweetie. Okay, your turn again.”

Samar thought for a few seconds. “What’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?”

Liz took a contented breath and closed her eyes, thinking. A moment later, eyes still closed, she smiled. “This one time I was flying from the East Coast to the West Coast and for a big chunk of the flight we were just…” She opened her eyes, meeting Samar’s soft gaze. “It was like we were chasing the sunset from time zone to time zone. It was the most vibrant orange I’ve ever seen, and I remember being completely overcome with how vast and beautiful the world is.” She brushed her fingers along Samar’s palm where it was lying on the bed between them. “What’s your answer?”

“You, the first time I saw you,” Samar replied without hesitation.

Liz snorted, pushing lightly against Samar’s arm. “Come on, be serious.”

“I am being serious.”

Liz couldn’t speak. She stared at Samar, eyes wide, brow furrowed slightly.

“Remember when I offered to buy you a drink after my first case with the task force?” Samar asked quietly.

Liz nodded, swallowing tightly.

“That was me making my move. It didn’t go as I’d hoped,” Samar smirked.

Liz covered her face with her hand, groaning. “I was such a bitch to you then. I’m so sorry,” she murmured sincerely, looking into Samar’s eyes and reaching for her hand again.

“It’s okay, Liz. I understood why you were wary of me. I won’t lie to you, it was difficult knowing that you didn’t like me or trust me. But after you infected yourself with an ancient plague to keep me from bleeding out, I assumed the worst was over.” Samar’s eyes crinkled as she grinned.

Liz laughed. “A reasonable assumption.” She gazed into Samar’s eyes for a moment before continuing, a small smile tugging at the edges of her lips. “Just to be clear, I never _disliked_ you. I was just…being careful. Not to mention, you were a little intimidating at first.” Samar snorted, but Liz continued, her smile brightening for a moment. “I think I really started to trust you when you found out I had the warrior gene and you kept it between us.” She squeezed Samar’s hand gently. “And then that day at the airport, when you were shot… That moment, when I thought you might actually die… that was the first time I really admitted to myself that one of the reasons I had been keeping my distance from you was that I was attracted to you and… those feelings scared me.”

Samar’s eyes widened a fraction as she smiled reassuringly, stroking the back of Liz’s hand with her thumb.

Liz took a deep breath before she continued. “I’d never been attracted to a woman before. And I know I’m an adult and I probably should’ve been able to take it in stride, but you were this experienced, beautiful, foreign agent, and I… I was just confused. I was drawn to you, but I didn’t know if I could trust you– I didn’t know if I could trust anyone, really. I mean, I didn’t even trust my own _feelings_. So I kept my distance and pushed you away. Until that awful day when you were dying in front of me. I couldn’t let you go through that pain and fear alone. Especially not when it was my fault in the first place. If I had just shot Beck when I had the chance, you never would have been hurt. I was so ashamed of myself. You were angry and disappointed, rightfully so, and then _you_ were the one who almost died because of _my_ stupid actions. I never even apologized, Samar. I’m sorry, I-”

Samar pressed her lips to Liz’s, cutting her off mid-apology, kissing her deeply. She removed her hand from Liz’s grasp, pulling her closer. Liz smiled against Samar’s lips and tangled their legs together, careful to avoid Samar’s injury. She placed her hand in the dip of Samar’s waist, brushing her thumb back and forth. As soon as Samar’s lips left her own, she continued her apology. “I really am sorry.”

Samar’s answering chuckle rumbled through Liz’s body. “You _really_ don’t need to keep apologizing to me for everything. Okay?”

Liz huffed a laugh, softly nuzzling her face into the crook of Samar’s neck. “‘Kay.” She brushed her lips against Samar’s bruised skin. “Maybe I should try to stop doing things that require apologies.”

Samar ran her fingers slowly through Liz’s hair, smiling against her, before murmuring, “You can do anything you want as long as we’re together.”


End file.
